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The Phases of Sex

What’s going on in your body when you have sex? We tend to think of sex as this amazing thing (and it sure is), but that doesn’t mean we can’t analyze it or look at it with a cool head to better understand and master it. The purpose of this article is not to give you some abstract academic understanding. The purpose of this article is to help you be a better lover, and in order to really advance as a lover, you must have an understanding of what the “sex process” is like.

These phases of sex are the same both for men and women. And when you learn about them, I want you to think about how you can use this conscious understanding of each phase to improve your sex skills.
moon phases


It always starts with desire. Desire is when you start to feel aroused, and you start to feel really interested in sex. Desire can happen even without any kind of physical stimulation. In fact, that’s how it happens most of the time. Certain hormones trigger your feelings, make you feel like you’re desiring an erotic experience.

On a sexual arousal scale of one to ten, you’d be at a 1 or 2.

Getting Horny

Now this is one step further than desire. It’s when an actual physiological reaction happens: the swelling of your genitals. In men, this means that you get an erection. In women this means that her clitoris and vaginal lips get a bit bigger, and she excretes more “juice“. Why do the organs get bigger? Because more blood flows into them.

Other physiological changes also occurs. Your heart starts to beat faster and harder. Your breathing changes. Your blood pressure goes up a bit. Women usually get erect nipples too.

Foreplay, kissing, erotic thoughts and fantasies or seeing something sexually stimulating is usually what causes this stage.

On the sex arousal scale, you’d be at 3 or 4.

Sexy Time

This is where the action happens. Here you’re on a certain level of sexual arousal, and this is where you’re most active. The muscles in your body tensen up, and everything feels very intensive, very pleasant. It’s where you really “get to work”. It’s kind of like the journey that you’re taking to get to your “destination” (which is the next phase: orgasm).

Sexual arousal scale: between 5 and 8.


Now these are the couple of seconds that make the world go round. Your body (both for men and women) experiences a whole set of contractions, the muscles in your body just tensen up, almost everywhere (that’s why people make these faces when they’re having an orgasm – because their facial muscles go through contractions too). And of course, the muscles the eject your sperm from your body also contract, and that’s when you ejaculate.

There’s that moment when you haven’t reached your orgasm yet, but you know it’s coming, and it’s inevitable. That’s why it’s been coined “the point of no return”. Once you’re there, there’s no way to stop an orgasm from happening.

On a sexual arousal scale, you’re between 9 and 10.

Coming Down

This is basically the phase where your body goes back to baseline – where it’s been before desire set in.

Refractory Period

This is the time it takes a man to “get ready for the next round”. In general, the younger you are, the less time you need to get back in the saddle. You can actually train your penis to get erect faster after